I quite like
6. Because you're always on the run
seeing as how I have been running away from mates who are about to follow the statement "My brand new laptop has broke" with "can you have a look?".
15. Because your PC remembers to back up for you
Thats great, does it load a recordable dvd into its own drive for you? Pretty pointless backing up if you keep it on the same drive, the only time I have nearly lost data is hard drive failure.
17. It's like having your own personal anchorman
Anchors do tend to slow you down quite a bit, so I suppose Vista could do that as well, oh is that not what they meant?
And who wouldn't love to write a virus for whatever powers the next one (Defender I am guessing)
31. Because your PC lets you know if something's wrongâ€”and helps you fix it
"Warning, you have some potentially dangerous software running. This malware is known as Vista, please visit ubuntu.com to repair"
Nothing quite like an MS release is there?